Reflection after a few weeks
If I’m being perfectly honest I’ve had a bit of a hard time engaging with the materials that we’ve been learning in class so far. I’m not really sure why, but I just haven’t been as interested in what we’ve done so far in class. I’m trying to participate more, but only if I have something substantive to add. I’ve had classes in other subjects where there are people who just talk to fill a void with their voice and that is exactly what I don’t want to be doing. The question “what am I doing well” is a weird one. If you’re measuring how well I’m doing based off of doing the work for the class and staying on top of things then I guess I’m doing well, but I feel like I could be doing better and I’m not sure why that is or even how to achieve that. Grades wise I think I’m doing well, but I don’t actually feel as if I’m doing well in the class and I don’t know why that is. When this has happened before in other venues in my life there was a clear reason as to why I didn’t feel like I was doing well, but here there’s nothing and that’s really confusing for me and I’m not sure what to do about it. I just feel as if there’s something holding me back from enjoying the class as much and I don’t know why that is. While I haven’t been as into some of the material I’m enjoying the unit on the fang-shi and I really liked when we talked about the spirits in the beginning. There’s been nothing I don’t like just things I’ve been a little lukewarm on, and I’m excited to keep learning more. On top of that your teaching style is pretty much exactly what I hope for out of any teacher I have, so there’s nothing off there. I want to be able to point out why I’m having a hard time getting fully invested (? Not sure this is the word I want but it’s the only word I can think of that’s close) in the course, and I can’t because on paper I should be in love with this class.
When it comes to the weekly reflections aside from the growth mindset cats one, which I kinda made into a joke I’ve taken them all seriously. I also spend a lot of time looking at other people’s reflections just because I think it’s important to see multiple perspectives and thoughts on the subject matter especially from people who tend to be quieter in the class, and this way I’m able learn from other people and enhance my own thoughts. That can be intimidating though because there have been times where I feel as if I’ve written a good amount, and then I look at what others have done leading to me feeling as if my work is inadequate, and then I go back and change it. My one issue with these weekly reflections is that I don’t like having assignment minimum or maximum requirements for length because I always prioritize quality over quantity and I hate feeling like I have to write more than I have to say because it diminishes the quality of writing. The opposite is also true (just less frequent because there are rarely limits on how much to write) because there are times when I have a lot to say on a topic but I can’t say as much because of a limit imposed on me leaving the point I was trying to make half-baked.
